Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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