SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
