she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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