just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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