The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
