you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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