they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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