she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
