I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
