i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
