Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
