Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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