We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
