I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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