Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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