Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
