A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
God, I missed his penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
