the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
