Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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