My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
