we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
