after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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