And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
