There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
