So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We're using joints as your birthday candles
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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