is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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