Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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