Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
