Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
