I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
