Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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