careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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