You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
