I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
