we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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