She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
