youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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