he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
