if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
