I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
