his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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