My underwear smells like fireworks.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
