Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
