i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
