just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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