How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
