Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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