ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
