The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
