there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
