i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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