what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
