Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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